Depp Vs Bloom, round one.

Depp scores 9 for being in several rather good films, and acting quite well in them. Bloom scores 0 for ruining every scene he's in in Pirates 2. Depp scores 6 for being very watchable again in Pirates 2. Bloom scores -25m (that's m for million) for "skateboarding" down a walkway while decapiating Orks and still looking as gay as a window.

This could be a running feature, but Bloom would have to do alot to pull this back now.

This also seems like a good place to go all Popbitch and mention I have it on *very* good authority that Keira Knightly's fanny both smells, and tastes, of rancid old coleslaw. Has done since Love Actually, according to my source.